This Wendy's Smells Like a Turd Rainbow

I know – “What? Turd Rainbow?”  Hold on.  I’ll get there.

It’s time for FAMILY WEEKENDS in colleges.  The last three shows were all performances for family weekends.  Last week I returned to Shepherd University to perform for their Family Weekend.  It was an 11 o’clock show for their program, “Late Night in the Zone.”  We had a pretty full crowd and it was a really fun show.  Shepherd University is in Shepherdstown, WV which is a really eclectic little town near Baltimore/DC.  Driving in from BWI Airport you pass Harper’s Ferry and cross the Potomac which is absolutely beautiful.


After the show, I stopped by Harper’s Ferry on my way back to Baltimore.  I’ve driven by it before and I wanted to check it out.  It’s a little town with a rich civil war history that’s been designated a national park, but still kind of operates as a town too.  They’ve kept the town virtually the same way as it existed back then.  Lots of notable things happened there (due to it’s placement and importance, it changed hands a handful of times during the war between the North and South).  There was a large arsenal there and it was the site of John Brown’s raid.  Here are some photos I took of the town:








This was one of those places that I would have probably never been to had I not had a show nearby.  I rank it among Gettysburg and Niagara Falls in that respect.  Those are two other places I may have never visited had I not had a show nearby, but am very glad I did.

This week I traveled back to New Hampshire for a double header: Keene State College at 2pm on Saturday and Franklin Pierce University at 8pm on Saturday.  I flew in Friday night and after a 4 hour delay due to wind and fog in Philadelphia, I finally got to Keene around 3am Saturday morning.

The show at Keene was great, but before we go there, you’re probably still wondering about the title of this post.

I woke up Saturday and got in my powder blue Mercury rent-a-car and there was poo on the windshield.  Not kidding.  Not bird poo.  Not even like small animal droppings.  Poo.  We’re talking full on brown log here.  Unfortunately, I didn’t see the stinky log resting on my windshield just above the wiper blade.  Also unfortunately, there was water on my windshield and I had to use the wiper blade.  The result was a brown smear in an arc across the windshield.  That’s right…a Turd Rainbow.


Absolutely disgusting.  I really am perplxed as to how a poo got on my car.  Did someone put it there?  There was a car wash across the road, do they sneak out at night and put poo on cars to drum up extra business?  Then I started thinking about some alternate theories:


The thought of a dog squatting on the upper hood of a car is hilarious to me.  What kind of dog would do that?  It’s absurd – but I suppose there are stranger theories:

I shared this story with my audience at Keene.  They enjoyed it.  Probably not as much as I did.  The show was a ticketed event and sold out!  They even made more room and sold a few extra tickets right before the show! The students were great and very nice.  They decorated my green room:


I left wondering if the students would talk about me after the show.  “He was funny, but he talked about poo a lot.”

While I enjoyed the novelty of poo on my windshield, I didn’t want to get NEAR it.  It was staying right where it was.  I don’t touch poo.  – kind of a personal rule, I guess.  So I left the log resting comfortably on the bottom of the windshield and decided to get lunch.  I guess I underestimated the smell of a Turd Rainbow.  When I went through the drive through at Wendy’s, I had forgotten about the brown smear on my window and I kept smelling the most awful smell.  “This Wendy’s smells like CRAP!” I kept thinking.  I considered telling the lady at the window that they need to clean up outside or something, because the place really did smell awful.  It wasn’t until I was halfway to Franklin Pierce University that I realized what I was smelling was the Turd Rainbow.  Taste the Rainbow.

Franklin Pierce University was beautiful.  It’s in the part of New Hampshire that always reminds me of the movie “What About Bob” with Bill Murray.


I’m happy I snapped this photo out of the car window while driving in.  The colors on the leaves were amazing and the anchored sailboat just added to the scene.  The university is placed right on this large pond nestled in the mountains of New Hampshire.

Franklin Pierce had another large crowd – more than 150 – and they had to add chairs.  I love to hear them tell me that.  So flattering.  I look forward to coming back sometime.

I sold my first few posters at these shows, which was cool.  If you can’t get to a show, you can buy them here.

That’s all I have for now.  I’m stuck at an airport for about 3 more hours before I can get home.  So if you are a facebook or myspace friend, write me a note or something to help pass the time!

peace, love and (you guessed it) Turd Rainbows™,

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